My friend Jugurtha in NY and I have had an interesting conversation that I want to remember.

“Narcissistic Pervert” ~ personality disorder first defined by psychoanalyst P.-C. Racamier (1924-1996): A form of perversion whereby the subject behaves following a predation pattern vis-à-vis others. In those individuals, the need to be loved is superseded by the need to be obeyed. For the purpose of fulfilling that need, they are bent on demolishing the identity of their “prey”. They are manipulative & resort to mental harassment. They use induction: they have a talent for suggesting to others specific feelings, causing reactions to (often entirely fictitious) situations, without, ever, mentioning explicitly their obsessions. They always manage to avoid expressing to another being what they think. They proceed by innuendos, with, always, once the person is effectively hurt, “plausible deniability”.

Me: Do we know if the NP has a tendency to have addictions? (alcohol, gambling, drugs, overeating….)

Jugurtha: yes — it can be gambling like you say or sex addiction — or torturing the loved one — most likely, both alternatively on-again-off-again (sin, stray/silence/distance, then, remorse, make-up, promises, calm, torture, sin, etc., etc., etc. as long as the torturee collaborates

Me: Damn. Also (please excuse my candour but I have no expertise in that field) is there such thing as the opposite disorder: a personality with an overwhelming sense of empathy that corrupts judgement in the opposite way: embracing others feelings while ignoring ones own… if worse even: not having ones own…?

Jugurtha: big time — sure. A person that — for some specific reason or other (typically a violation of the person’s innermost intimacy) — will not revolt and, instead, (unknowingly) cultivate a situation where they suffer and are abused and defend themselves weakly so as to be abused & mistreated some more; the person’s hope for a prosperous, trusting, equal-to-equal relationship that hope was shattered for some historic reason (the person doesn’t want to venture in wildly risky territory again, but doesn’t know it, knows it only in the form of indirect suspicion). Consequently the person goes for second best: sole language where “love” is found in the form of the cycle of torture above.

The NPs suffer a lot deep down — it is hell for them — atrophied empathy doesn’t mean “never a moment of clarity” — they suffer a lot, it is a form of hell, I really do believe that — it’s hell for those individuals

Me: I really hope they do have these moments of clarity, but i’m not sure they do… It makes me infinitely sad inside. You know, the thought that they never can feel truly loved or at peace, or forgiveful of themselves or others… Or never even say the truth, see the truth.

Jugurtha: The most important thing to remember is that “the fight is fixed”, everything is predetermined, nothing can break the cycle, nothing can break the cycle, it is all like clockwork — those people are wonderful people locked in a cage, and the cage will always be there between the person and other human beings — always always always.

Thanks Jugurtha.