This week-end, while in Nantes I read Un Coeur Simple by Flaubert and Le Cavalier de Bronze by Pushkin. Nantes was nice but I didn’t fall in love with it. I think I must look elsewhere.

Found this online which I’m not sure is a real Bob Marley quote but nonetheless it expressed something I felt deeply inside of me.

“The biggest cowardice of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.”

I have a list the size of the Great Wall of China of guys who revel in this.

Love, too often, feels like war.

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I had never been to Nantes. The Barbara song had completely ruined the town for me as it’s so gloomy and depressing.

However, friends had been raving about it and my quest for finding a great spot for a house (requirements: not far from the sea, less than 3 hours from Paris by TGV and affordable! I need lots of space!) took me here starting my exploration of french “province”.

Funny how I know certain countries better than my own.

So far I’m enjoying it, I sense tranquility that no longer exists in Paris.

Aaaaaahhh tranquility. Where has my youth gone?

Ah!*

*Talking about my youth, a funny story happened last night, I was drinking tea in a café in the center of Nantes as Noel & Mike Hogan and Fergal Lawler from the Cranberries came in and sat at the table right beside me. Took me awhile to realize it was them, as I kept wondering what the hell were 3 irishmen doing here, eating omelette. Back in the days I probably would have fainted: I was crazy about this band. Yesterday – I hardly cared. Before they left I told them I had seen them at the Zenith in Paris some time in 1993 – I think, with Dodgy as the opening act. We all giggled as it turned out that was almost 20 years ago. They also gave me tickets to their show (they are playing in Nantes tonight) but I didn’t go.

20 fricking years. Damn.

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I’ve been back from Russia for 10 days now and it’s been very difficult to try and write a little epilogue.

As soon as I was back, life in Paris started again with its whirlwind of things to do, people to see, countless stimuli but mostly its monotonous rythm and memories of a time where I was mostly unhappy and unfree.

My beautiful life in St Petersburg suddenly feels like a distant memory or a dream or a parallel line.

I am missing it. Mainly I am missing being alone. I think I’m entering a massive shift in my life as I crave and seek aloneness incredibly. It’s such a liberating thing to be away from everything and everyone. Obviously I am also missing the city itself, its freezing wind and its timeless decor.

Time has now come for a new chapter but I know that I will be back at some point. Not sure how, where or when, but I don’t give up on the thing I love so easily.

So long.

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The Cheyenne, the Comanche, the Apache, the Sioux, the Navajo, the Hopi, the Ute, the Paiute, the Shoshone, the Yaqui, the Shawnee, the Sherokee, the Nez-Percé, the Iroquois, the Yuma, the Pima and all the other ones, I’m thinking of you. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Russian epilogue coming soon….

 

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“Nous voulons une patrie qui procure du travail à tous les citoyens ou les moyens de vivre à ceux qui sont hors d’état de travailler. Nous voulons une cité où les transactions seront la circulation de la richesse et non pas le moyen pour quelques uns d’une opulence fondée sur la détresse des autres. Nous voulons une organisation humaine où les mauvaises passions seront enchainées: l’égoïsme, la cupidité, la méchanceté. Nous voulons substituer la droiture aux bienséances, substituer le mépris du vice au dédain du malheur, substituer les braves gens à la bonne compagnie. Nous voulons une demeure des hommes où toutes les âmes s’agrandiront. Nous voulons accomplir le destin de l’humanité.” –  Robespierre

“Je veux essayer de contruire une cité d’espérance où l’homme s’aperçoit que les étoiles existent.” – Jaurès

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“Si tu m’avais aimée, disait Velléda, avec quel bonheur nous aurions parcouru ces champs.” – Chateaubriand

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Enregistrer

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I dreamt that I bumped into Justin Timberlake in the supermarket in Orgeval. He was buying wallpaper.

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